Friday Follies

You know those memes and ecards that are all over Facebook, Twitter, and IMG….the punch you in your throat one liners that make you look certifiable when you laugh out loud to your phone or ‘puter. Some are just knee slappers and I find myself already saving them to my camera roll for later or the perfect moment to post that $hit according to my mood. I’ve rounded up a few this week that have had me rolllllllin’!

If I buy you a drink, and you tell me your high on h2o…..I’m walking away. Not because I expect you to get sloppy drunk but because you’re prob high on something else and need water to heal your cottonmouth. I’ll stick with my wine thanks.

Ok look I like my wine IV like the rest of society….but it is clear that I cannot drink like I’m twenty anymore. I remember having a steel cage liver and would go hard on one slice of bread and shots galore, then wake up at 7 and go to work or make a three course breakfast. These days, I need a full meal beforehand, some water in between and absolutely no drink switching! Otherwise it’s me and the heeves. No frickin’ bueno.

This is pretty direct….and a fair warning. Nobody likes single white females, period.

And I rest my case,…I go hard in parenting all the way around. It was how I was raised and I’m fantastic…just sayin.

This made me think of my last follie post when I talked about Halloween costumes. Living in Europe for 4 years you couldn’t get away from spending at least $30-40 on each kid for costumes. So this goes out to my peeps overseas.

Oh Kevin Hart…you know all the right things to say.

I don’t know….I just started cracking up. I think the pic makes it perf!

Word mf up!!! And no I won’t get used to it.

And my favorite of the day…..

This will definitely be my mantra for the next year!! Boom…

Xoxo, Di

Foodie Friday

Well, I did it! I made that scrum-di-le-umptous pumpkin cake. I’m calling it Pumpkin Tres Leche Moan and Groan Cake! I saw the recipe on Facebook and promised I would take this all the way home. And little did I know how far it would take me 🙂

Ok so here we go, I mixed a box of yellow cake mix and a can (15oz) of pumpkin purée. Then bake according to directions and cool for at least 10min Yum!

Then I took the end of a wooden spoon (you could use a dropper or baster) and poked holes thought the cake. This is where it starts to get amazing….pour a can of sweetened condensed milk all over the top. Holy mackarole….

Then I put it in the fridge for like 30 minutes to let the goodness soak through. Next up….a layer of cool whip wonderland!

Before I could just stop right there and devour this pan I needed to add the toffee bits. Obviously there is such a thing as a bag of Heath toffee bits usually in the chocolate chip section, but my store didn’t have them. So I grabbed a couple Skor bars and smashed the hell out of them in a ziplock bag (it helps to think of someone you want to cut at the same time). Then this happens….

And as if that wasn’t enough, there’s the “icing” on the cake!!! Caramel sundae sauce?? Yes please!!

Well, and you know what’s up at this point….it’s everything you think it is and then some.

Talk about a Fall party cake in your mouth! Heck yes…..

It’s Fall Ya’ll
Diane

Friday Follies

I have jokes….lots.  Witty banter is one of my specialties and one that I take seriously.  Serious like me in a leather catsuit and a whip in Christian Grey’s hand (I will use ANY excuse to reference the culmination of Grey and Jax…ANY).  Anyway, today is no exception when it comes to the follies I have witnessed, thought about and said.  On with it now…

1. When you make a poster representing your organization in front of thousands of potential customers….let’s spellcheck that shit.  Yes, this happened in my presence and I straight up took a picture of it in conjunction with what can only be described as a disturbed giggle.  Thennnnn I told someone it needed to be corrected.  Whyyyy is this happening??

2. I’ve been told this week that I control people’s thoughts and what they say.  Interesting since I don’t remember turning water into wine.  Anyway, big ups to Christ!

3.  This week I realized the fate of my doom living with three boys.  My husband doesn’t really know I call him a boy, because I’m usually calling him a girl…what boy you know likes to shop, watch housewives shows and Glee, lives and breathes karaoke, and wants to decorate all together with me?  My favorite kind of boy…make no mistake.  He really knows the way to my heart.  Anyway…..boys will be boys and the fart game, while hilarious to them, is not what I thought I signed up for.

4. So G and I watched “This Is The End” this past week and apparently it’s a comedy.  I just felt dirty after watching it…like soap and water dirty, not Jax/Grey dirty like I had hoped.  The apocalyptic alien penis was a lot…and Danny McBride made the movie (“Hermione just stole all our shit!”).  But whoever told them to use their real first names really hit the nail on the head.  The Seth Rogen and James Franco art struggle bit would have never held up in the movie if they didn’t use their first names. Narcissistic personality disorder at its finest!!  I like that….

5. Miley Miley Miley…..your ass looks like a chicken cutlet, you recently had a striking resemblance to Bologna Barb, you are NOT Gene Simmons, you lucky….Paula Patton almost whooped that chicken ass, Liam was thisclose to getting a blinged out grill and foam fingered…whew, Nintendo called…it wants its over indulgent mushrooms back and she twerks hard for the money!!  Make it rain Miley!!!

6. Halloween is just around the corner and the costume debacle for everyone is always funny to me.  Do you buy them, make them…..the struggle is real people.  Usually for me, I hit up the thrift and discount stores first bc I’m a cheap ass and because that’s where you can find the real good shit. Like these for example…I found in our little base thrift store this week:

 

I am on the lookout for these for G:

This for JD:

And for lil man….

There goes the fart game again…

And lastly….I imagine myself wearing something like this:

First water into wine, now this….I’m THAT impressive people.

In the end…it’s been a great week, follies and farts.  This weekend I take the boys camping….and I’m preparing for many blunders, screams and maybe even a spider encounter that will surely bring JD to his knees.  Until then, TGIF bitches….

XOXO, Di

September’s Favorites

Starting this month I am going to try and blog my favorite things of the month that I’ve seen or bought or used. I hosted a favorite things party last year and besides the delicious Sangria being slung around, it was really cool to see what others consider their favorite things to be. Plus, I favor so many different “things” depending on the time of the year or what I’m going through, so naturally this just fits in my blog rotation.

What prompted me to start this was my subscription to Birchbox.

(P.S. if you don’t have a subscription, you should….as  you should also use my referral so I can gain extra points…shitchyeah).  For $10 a month, I can choose a male or female monthly subscription sent to me with high end beauty swag that is at times catered to my personalized profile.  It’s really opened my eyes to some new health/beauty products I would have never known about.  I heart my Birchbox surprises!!

Anyway, back to September’s faves…

The first thing I want to highlight is the arrival of Autumn!!  It’s October for crying out loud….time to gather your Gluhwein, light those fire pits, rake those leaves for Fall crafts, watch Football with piles of tailgate food to get your waistband ready for the Holidays, say the word cornnnnnn-ucopia once in our life, and get the costume together that is sure to freak the pants off little kids on Halloween.  The first “sign” of Autumn in our house are the seasonal wood blocks we use year round.

Next on the list is Canada…I have come to realize favorite things abound in Canada.  Poutine,  the exchange rate, Lake Ontario, the European vibe, their amazing walkstrasse, and how close it is to our new digs.  Bon Jour Canada…

This next thing is a store that I’ve never been to…but feel like will become the “go to” place I will look to first for price comparisons. It’s called Five Below and everything in the store is between $1 & $5.  SCORE!  It’s like a high end Dollar Store…and that’s the $hit I like.

What’s a better thing than shopping at Five Below?  Scoring these Halloween Costumes for G and I…for $5 each.  Angry Birds??  That sounds about right…

 This would not be any favorite list of mine without the mention of chalkboard paint!!  I have been a painting freakazoid, from Teage’s room, to picture frames and toyboxes.  Just wait til I get my grubby hands on colored chalk paint…nothing will be safe!

Next up, this “thing” is my neighbor’s and when she showed it to me and let me try it I was sold 5000.  It’s hemp infused Ben-Gay.  Ummmmm, I think it pretty much sells itself…and if anyone is going to El Salvador soon, HOLLA!!!

Most people that know me have heard about the ongoing project I have been working on….a brooch bouquet.  These are the latest and greatest.  Brooches in general are becoming one of my favorite collectibles.  That feather one is doing it!!

Since moving to the states, this list could not be a favorite things list without the mention of this Jesus Loves Me DVR.  It’s like a time machine for your TV and finally in my life!  Praise!!

Did anyone love the Muppets Movie as much as I did.  I mean, the Party for One song, Muppet of a Man, Miss Piggy’s return to Kermie.  Obviously this movie wasn’t from this month, but guess who joined our family after our trip to the Syracuse DIsney Store?  Walter!!!!  He’s a great buddy and totally resembles my lil T.   Plus, his alter ego in the movie is Sheldon Cooper?  Ride or Die Walter….

Fall wouldn’t start off correctly without some fricking picking…apples that is.  The local Cider Mill is now our one stop shop this Fall for all variations of apples, pumpkins, Cider, Indian Corn, gourds, cheese curds, country cooking aids, the world famous Cider Donuts and this….it reminds me of my childhood, the good parts anyway.

I picked this up at the Amish Furniture Store the other day.  It’s a highlight for me because it let’s me think I am connected to the Amish Mafia somehow now.   Have you seen that show?  It’s some weird $hit….$hit that I can’t look away from.  Ok back to it…It’s an oak based, mason jarred, gumball machine.  I put Pretzel M&Ms in there…..and it siiiiings!

Rounding out the list is another stateside first favorite…SHOPPING REWARDS!!!  Overseas we mainly had stamp cards…which I appreciated fully.  But dayum, these store “Bucks” and “Cash” plus some sort of freebie or discount for every store you sign up for online….and thennnnn these rewards cards??  Hells Yessss.  Coupons who??

I’d love to hear what your favorite things are….unless your a greedy biatch and don’t like sharing a good idea.  If that’s the case…hit the cyber pavement.  This blog is all about sharing…everythang!!!  But let’s be honest…things ARE just things right?!  Hmmmm….

XOXO,

Di